There lived a couple...and the girl loved the boy, and he loved her, too. It was a good relationship, with DD liberally dousing it, helping it grow stronger. Then, one day, this boy, he realized his girl had a little problem.
An eating problem. She liked to pretend it wasn't there. After all, to her, it didn't feel like a problem. When she didn't eat, or she used laxatives, or exercised for hours, she loved the feeling of emptiness. She relished that inner craving--it made her feel skinnier by the minute!
...But, the boy felt like the skinnier it made her feel--the sorer her butt should feel. He spanked her, every time! Sometimes, it was worse than others. Sometimes, she did all those things: she ate next to nothing, she threw it up, and then used laxatives just to be doubly sure it was gone!
Those sometimes, he was especially strict.
And those sometimes made for some no-good, not-fun, never-ending, double dog downer days. Days where spankings lasted for a million and one years, and involved a small dowel rod, and/or the belt, and his hand, and, she'd swear a million other things.
But, here's the thing: it didn't make the feeling of pleasure she got from the empty go away. She hated that it disappointed him. She hated lying when he asked her if she was finished, if he'd erased all traces of good associations...but, really...he couldn't possibly spank that away, so what was the point in saying that he hadn't?
Instead, the punishments left her with an over-riding sense of guilt.
And what should have been a one-off...wasn't.
So, until that Problem finds a solution...
Grace feels like she she's living in one, big, no-good, not-fun, NEVER-ENDING, double-dog downer day. :(
Your post breaks my heart. I am so sorry. I hope that you can find the help you need to get rid of the problem. It's great that your husband is aware and is willing to help you. Hang in there. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteThanks, Blondie...it's been a kind of rough few weeks. I need all the hugs I can get. :)
ReplyDeletesee your inbox. ;)
ReplyDeleteI share this problem with you, Blondie was kind enough to link me to your blog. I just wanted you to know I deal with this as well, and it's caused many sore bottoms for me, but exactly like you said - it didn't make the feeling of pleasure she got from the empty go away.
ReplyDeleteThis frustrates my "H" to no end, but I do feel that we make some headway when the spankings lead to me opening up and telling him the horrid things I feel inside. DD may be slowly cracking me open in that way, though, I'm finding out that a sore bottom is the thing that breaks the ice when I'm in a hiding and lying mode.
((hugs)) to you!
-Emi