Bless Steven's heart, he's tried the extra swats to get me to hold still. He's tried corner time for negotiating(that actually seems to work, as I loathe standing in the corner. In addition to just feeling awkward in general, it's intensely boring, as my mind covers what I'm standing there for, and how to prevent it--he'll usually ask if I know why I'm being punished, and I need a response--and then about a million other things in my 5-15 minute stint staring at sullen paintwork.) He's tried faster swats for holding still. He's tried harder swats...but, for some reason, Kypr(you remember, my little messenger from butt to brain?) just feels like it's better to have a few extra swats for moving and still have that moment of relief than it is for the stinging to just get more intense. He starts every spanking with a reminder:
((Nah, not that,though I'm sure he feels that way. Usually just, "I know we've been through this, but just so we're clear. Do NOT put your hand back, Do NOT roll over, Do NOT stand up, Do NOT move away from me." I really am awful enough to need those. :( ))Up to now, I just viewed the moving and negotiating as par for the course. The phrase "This isn't a negotiation, it's a decision, and it's been made! You're not going to tell me how to spank you!" was oft heard and even more oft ignored, I'm ashamed to admit. In fact, it usually generated an eye roll and a sigh and a "Pleeasseee quit lecturing and get it on with" attitude. (A fact I always regretted soon after, but always seem to go back to). I stood up, I threw my hand back, I wriggled, I rolled over, I tried talking to distract. I tried EVERYTHING.
And, now, having read both Clint's blog and a couple others' response to it, I realize just how detrimental that behavior was. My "but it *hurts*" excuse just doesn't hold water. (Not that it ever held a whole lot, anyway--"Baby. I know it hurts. We both know it hurts. It's supposed to hurt. It's a spanking.") At the time, like I said, it just seemed normal, the natural, obvious response.
In the future, I'm really going to try hard not to fight it. Not to negotiate, not to move. It *is* disrespectful and undermining, and I'm stunned to think how I've overlooked all that up till now. I apologized to him for my past attempts at negotiating and my general lack of cooperation.
Here's to doing better, though, right?
I'd like to see the husband try to stay still and just take it... I don't stay still, but my husband is too strong for me. I might can go forward or backward an inch or two. If you are like me, you'll move just to get the target at a different spot. You know when they hit that same spot several times in a row, and you just got to find a way for it to move, someway or somehow? If I put my hands behind me, he will pin my hand at my waist, where he's holding me. I then promise to try not to put my hand back, if he will let go of it. This is because it hurts my hand too bad to be held firmly. I have fibromyalgia and possibly the early part of Rhuematoid arthritis. It actually hurts me less if I fight less. It doesn't hurt anywhere but my bottom, if I don't fight. It can hurt lots of places if I struggle. I just hold on to my pillow or blanket or whatever is there, to try to keep my hands in place. I think my husband thinks it's kind of funny when I try to get him to negotiate, but sometimes it works. We haven't been in DD all that long, and sometimes he just doesn't want to spank me even if he knows I deserve it. I think that he thinks because I live with pain, he doesn't want to inflict more. Sometimes I'm glad, other times my feelings of worthlessness hang on. The emotional stuff hanging on can be more painful than the spanking. Also the endorphins released during a spanking can actually make the pain in other areas less, and help with depression that goes with the illness. I DON'T remind him of that during negotiation, you understand. :) God Bless You and Yours, Belle L.
ReplyDeleteLol, I can imagine why you wouldn't. I'd love to say since this post I've been practically angelic about taking a spanking(post on that later)...but, it simply wouldn't be true. Unfortunately, now he just asks me "What are you doing? Are you really trying to negotiate, or do you wanna take that back?" Which seems to work pretty well. As far as your arthritis and such, OUCH. That's awful! I'm sorry to hear it, for sure. I do get my hand held, but only rarely, and if I really need it, because God knows I loathe that.
ReplyDeleteAt any rate, thanks for the comment, I enjoyed hearing from you, as always! :)