"Wait until I have a ring on your finger, Grace. That's how you, especially, believe, and, with you, I want to do it right!" Steven insisted, pushing away my questing hands.
"You had sex with your OTHER girlfriends, Steven," I pointed out. "It's not fair to not let me give the same thing to you...it makes me feel like I'm cheating you somehow."
"But, you're NOT. I want to do this right with you.."
"Well, you don't believe that way, clearly...and, I'm going to marry you, right? So it's basically like we ARE married."
"No, Grace...and I DO believe that way...don't push me on this.."
That was around March of last year. Obviously, I ended up having my wicked way with him. But, then...then, I was involved in a church, and passionate about the God that, quite literally, hung my moon. I felt such a strong surge of guilt, holding back from Steven...but, he wanted to do right by me. Let's just say, our first sex experience was a loaded gun. All sorts of emotions, bundled into one.
And, we've had our share of bumps and bruises along this particular relationship path. But, after last post, I felt so heavy, so ruined and wasted and hurt...I honestly felt there was only one place to go. It had to be God.
Now, Steven has a friend, M. M has a wife, J. They started about a year ago, going back to church together. They've been pushing us to do the same. So, with a 'what-do-we-have-to-lose' attitude, we started back to church with them...
And, I know that everyone doesn't believe the same as we do. I'm not asking that you do, or criticizing if you don't. I'm just spilling my story. Or, at least, this chapter of it. It's been tough, this honesty, so demanding...and, stopping the sex has been rough. M and J being involved in our lives so completely, asking questions, checking in, helping out, cooking dinner, has been so helpful.
But, we're back to waiting on that ring. I'm nervous, more than a little scared. But, for the first time in a while, I can honestly say that I have faith that we're gonna come out on the other side of this.
(Tomorrow, I have a much less serious post, about our new little family member. :) But, I have GOT to do some housework, lol...so, off I go! Missed you guys!)
Happy things seem to be working out. Like the new look.
ReplyDelete"That's how you, especially, believe, and, with you, I want to do it right!"
ReplyDeleteThat's quite lovely, Grace, and hopeful. I'm glad that you are lifted and being nervous is normal. Things will happen in their time, when it's right. Relax and enjoy the growing :)
Hugs, Grace! I have been praying for you both, and will continue to. I'm glad you're looking to the one place that can give you the strength and wisdom that you need. And absolutely, He will get you to the other side! Keep looking up! :)
ReplyDeleteFrom one Grace to another, I think this is very sweet! :)
ReplyDeleteI know that if you both want it, you will do it. All the things needed for you to make it is just a choice. It's a choice to do whatever it takes. God will help you both, if you are willing. It's good to have friends who can support you. I got upset shortly after we started going to a therapist, because I wanted my husband to be perfect. I scrutinized everything. My therapist encouraged me to continue to look at how he was acting, but he would have bad days too, and not act like the loving husband he should be. My husbands eyes were open, when I told him I wasn't looking for fault, but for evidence that he had changed for the good. If I didn't think he was in for it for the long run, I wouldn't go through the process. I am your cheerleader even though I don't personally know you. Praying still that God will bless you and yours, Belle L.
ReplyDeleteGood for both of you!
ReplyDeleteOld lady talking here but Grace, if you and Stephen get all things in your relationship based on the right foundation and you cling to that, you will be astounded at where you go. I have seen it happen with us and watching you two make some of the same steps is really neat.
More cat pics please.
ReplyDelete