That Little Messenger

You know, for loving writing and such as much as I do, I’m finding this whole starting-a-blog-thing ridiculously hard. Now, I’ve spent ages and ages reading everyone ELSE’S blogs…and thinking to myself, “Ooh, that was a clever way to say that…” or “Ouch..I KNOW that was unpleasant…” or, more commonly, “Been there, done that, got that t-shirt…and, if I haven’t, bet ya I will.” For that matter, I’ve even been spanked for my addiction to reading blogs. He...well, he's just not crazy about addictions. Go figure. So, I got spanked for it.

Sort of anyway.

Really, I guess it’s more of a…

“I only read just a little bit! One tiny entry!”

“Of the blog I told you not to read?”

“…”

“Ok, then.”

“No, this is not an ‘ok, then’ moment! It was so short! I doubt it even counts.” 

….Because, yeah, that line EVER works. Eh, worth a try, though, I guess.

To be fair, I haven’t been in this lifestyle terribly long. I mean, I knew that we had a very…uhm, rule-based? Relationship? I guess? It was complicated, whatever it was…and then I started stumbling on blogs about rules and consequences and, I felt connected, the same. Right up until I hit the parts about spanking. Then, I was both hooked and totally freaked out. The idea appealed to me for a lot of reasons:

Atonement.

Anger and resentment gone.

No guilty feelings.

No cold silences and snippy tones(ok, so I was ALWAYS the worst about tones, but, that, I’m sure, is beside the point).

At the same time though….I couldn’t let him just…*spank* me. That’s crazy! Right?

One night, we were just hanging out, and I got quiet, thinking about it. We’d had some sort of little tiff the day before and I was still stewing slightly about it, and longing for the peace that everyone else’s blogs swore by. He asked me about it, and after a couple of hours of literally dragging it out of me—I admitted to my curiosity about the lifestyle. To my shock—and horror—he agreed with it! Just like that! He was just fine with giving it a shot!

I was dumbfounded! And, in typical me style, immediately started pulling up blogs that I’d yank the phone away from him when he even tried to read for himself.

That was…I don’t know…maybe six months ago? Something like that?

Now, things are a little different. Still not perfect, because God knows I’m sure not. But we’re getting through it. We’re learning a lot. That’s good…even if the way I learn best is a little messenger.

He runs straight from backside to brain. And, sometimes, it takes a little while.

I’m only a little bit stubborn, after all.

But, we’ll figure this out—if only by grace alone.  :)