Where the Heck Do We Go From Here?

Today is one of those thoughts are hurricanes, battering away inside sort of days. A lot of guilt, a lot of stress. A lot of just need to see it out in writing to even KNOW what it is that I'm thinking. So, bear with me.

Steven and I were married in June. Not new news. BUT, there were some things that went down that I didn't post out. I'm not sure now if that's because we were so busy, or because they were so stressful and painful that I didn't WANT to see them out in the wide, wide world. But, of course now, they're coming back to bite me in the tail.

Just shy of two weeks before we were married, my mom took Steven and his mom out to get Steven his suit. Now, his family is a little tighter with money than my mother, so she asked Steven on the way to meet his mother if there was a price limit on the suit. Thinking it was going to be rented instead of purchased, Steven said no.

Fast-forward. It was a great suit. It was not for rent. It was ungodly expensive. My mom covered half of it, but the other half was put on his mom's crazy sister's credit card. That night, the aunt was told that everyone was taking advantage of her, so she cut up the credit card, tried to stop the payment--made a big to do about everything. Two days later, Steven's mom--we can call her D--had a stroke. A pretty severe one. We found out she was still going to be in an inpatient rehab for our wedding.

I was in the room with her or checking on her(I work nights at the same hospital) nearly all the time. I was there more often than her husband. I put in her the showers, I stayed for her occupational and physical therapies. Steven came most nights to cover while I was actively working. The aunt--she can be B--called several times. She called Steven and his little brother, harassing, asking where her money was. If D was in the hospital, who was going to pay her?

I came in from work one morning to find D crying by herself in the hospital bed. I was irate. I went home and...eh, we can call it discussed, I suppose, the situation with Steven. That is to say, I yelled and ranted and raved, and he informed me that I was absolutely to stay out of it. I wasn't to speak to B at all, I was to keep my nose squeaky clean.

After he went to work, I ignored him. I went back to the hospital, where D told me that she just wished someone would stand up for her. I figured if no one else would, then by golly, I could. Furious, I went to her house. We got in an absolute, screaming, cussing, finger pointing shouting match. She told me I was never again welcome in her home, I told her to stay the f*** out of my life, my wedding, and if she held my kids, it would be over my dead body.

Steven was furious. I was spanked. I had to apologize. And, then, as he knew they would, everyone but me made up.

That afternoon, in the hospital, D was taken down for a test. I was there, and so was Steven's father. While she was downstairs, he proceeded to inform me that I had no decency if I didn't cancel the wedding. I mentioned that my mother had already paid for my dress, the venue, the cake, the bouquet, half of Steven's suit, the food...everything, and we would lose all that if we backed out now. He told me he didn't care how much money Mom had spent. That I had forced Steven into marrying me, against the family's better judgment, that we couldn't even afford tags for the car(which wasn't true, and I mentioned), that it was senseless and stupid for us to get married. He said my mom was manipulative, and if it weren't for us, D would never had had the stroke. Nevermind that she's already had open heart, a previous stroke, is overweight, and has uncontrolled diabetes. None of that had anything to do with it. It was Mom and me. I was hurt, I was furious. I found out he'd been telling Steven not to do it for a while. Of course, the family stood behind that. His other aunt and uncle, his mother, everyone.

She ended up making it to the wedding. But, those interactions have tainted every interaction that I have had with them since. I loathe his father. Completely and totally.

He would come to Steven's softball games, see me, and sit as far as possible from me on the bleachers, not making eye contact, not saying hi. The other wives asked me all the time, "Isn't that Steven's dad? Why isn't he sitting with you? Are you guys fighting?" And I'd lie.

And, his aunt? The one I had a little screaming match with? Thanksgiving is usually at her house. I've gone for years. But, she insists she's not eating with "D's daughter-in-law." Steven, of course, is caught in the middle. I have to work that night anyway, I think I just don't even want to go to a Thanksgiving--certainly not one where I'm so blatantly not welcome. During the wedding, my entire guest list came to me and asked if there was an issue with his family, since none of them would hardly "speak to the outsiders." I spent a lot of time covering for them.

He's out with his family today. I'm at home. Technically, I was invited to lunch; but, really who wants to go when you know how you'll feel the whole time? I begged off with a headache. But, now, I'm sitting at home, lonely and heart heavy. And, this is only the first year of our marriage...if this is our starting point, where the heck do we have to go from here?