Well, guys, it's definitely been a minute since I've posted. I've had to spend quite a bit of time sorting my feelings, mulling over all of the advice I've gotten from you guys, my family, my irl friends. I've had a few say it COULD work.
Some that I need to find my own way.
Most that my relationship is doomed to failure.
And, after much thought and consideration--
After long nights and talks, and fits of rage and tears--
After sneaking in and checking his phone, just to see if maybe he'd lied--
After arguments--
After sex--
After stints without sex--
After a spanking(not a common, we're back to DD-like-nothing-ever-happened kind, but the kind where I smoked and wallowed in my own guilt for days before pretty well asking for the emotional release a spanking could afford)--
After all of it--
I've decided that, in order to leave someone that you love, you have to really have absolutely had it up to HERE. You have to really, truly, honestly feel that you don't have a prayer. (Or, at least, that's my opinion).
But, you know what?
We do.
We have a prayer. And, while I still believe that, I can't leave. Why?
It's not out of some sense of obligation to him or anyone else.
It's because I don't want to. I want this to work. I believe that we can. And, I intend to keep on trying.
(Ahem. Granted. I had quite a bit to say about what would happen if I ever even got suspicious again...but.)
So, we're slowly but surely picking the pieces back up. Some days, I despair of it. Some days, it feels like the good ol' times.
Most days, I see a brand new future.
Grace, although I was quite steamed when I first read everything awhile back... and expressed my heated opinion - I do truly hope and pray for you guys to be able to pick things up and find your way together.
ReplyDeleteI respect your decision and I know this journey is yours alone to make.
Know that I (we all) are here to listen and support you. (but please be careful, watchful, I don't know what else to call it)
I look forward to hearing that the best will come to you in 2013 - you deserve it!
((hugs))
I wish you luck. You are the one that's setting yourself on a path you chose so God speed.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting, Grace. I have been thinking about you. I'm glad you've come to a decision that you have strongly considered. I hope you two can work things out and have a very happy new year and a brand new future.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted Grace. You've been on my mind.
ReplyDeleteMaking the decision to leave or stay is something every one of us has to make for ourselves in this kind of situation. If you both want this to work and are willing to make an effort, I have no doubt that you can do it. I'll be praying for you.
It's not an easy journey, which I know you already know, but if it works it is so worth it. I won't go back and retype all I've said before. Just know that I truely understand, and my prayers are with you and all you love, Belle L.
ReplyDeleteI'll add my prayers to yours, Grace. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteAww, you guys really are great. I've missed everyone on my little self-imposed hiatus. Thanks so much for the prayers, and concerns, and thoughts, and comments...Really, they mean a ton to me.
ReplyDelete--Grace
Thanks Grace! I'm playing catch up here but you two have been on my mind. We will keep praying for you.
ReplyDeleteHow are things in your world? I e-mailed you...
ReplyDelete