I'm Never Gonna Leave This Bed

I have a problem.(You know, admitting it is the first step, or so I've heard...).


I'm a runner. In more ways than one; for the purpose of this post, I'm talking about the emotional kind. If things get rough, I'm inclined to bolt. I'm not fond of hurting, and if I can avoid it, I will. That means, I assume most people are like that. Steven has proven himself time and time again, and yet, my first response is always to head for the door. Over the past week or so, I've been throwing around the "I'm moving out" threat left and right. I've told him we've lost our spark--that we were just in the habit, the rut, of being together. That we didn't have passion for each other or anything else. Our days blended together in a blur of sameness. 

We worked, we saved, we ate a quiet dinner watching Bones, we went to bed. Outside of the nightly cuddle, there was little else going on for us. We were in a rut. The more I felt this, the harder I pushed him to be invested, to respond a certain way to..well, really everything. The more I pushed, the farther away he seemed. The more frustrated. Finally, in a two day long meltdown, most of those feelings came to the surface; and, for the first time in a good while, we actually shared. Not just talked, but openly communicated.  I told him I missed the long drives to just see how fast the car would go, and the trips to little hole in the wall places in the dark to wrestle around and tease. I missed the casual joking and ribbing that kept us both on our toes. He said he missed it, too, but I couldn't force anything. It was either there or not, basically. I felt so depressed, like he was saying he was giving up on us. Fortunately,we didn't end there.

Instead, we decided we were going to make a point to "date" again. Wednesday night, a friend of mine told me about a really good deal she'd gotten: she and her husband were able to go to Chattanooga for a night, get two tickets the aquarium, and two to the IMAX. I called Steven--it was around 11 pm...when I arrived home not long after, he had several packages to show me.

The next day, it was a phones off, just us, adventure to Chattanooga. We visited the aquarium(he had to practically drag me away from the otters--totally my fave!!). He was so affectionate, so right there. The IMAX was depressing--Japanese steakhouse after helped me feel a bit better...but, even more than that...

KRISPY KREME! Heck yes. :) We got a dozen, and we took it back to the hotel. After that, it was an easy afternoon of background TV and cuddles and hot baths and massages and chatting and...general fun, ya know. :P Overall, it was a wonderful, reconnecting, perfect day. I went in to work this morning in the most rested, relaxed mood I've been in, in a long time.

And, I know it can be a little corny to compare to songs and stuff, BUT. This song really, really feels like him to me. He's my rock and my love. He stays and reminds me of why I do.

So you say go, it isn't workin',
And I say, no, it isn't perfect;
So I stay instead,
I'm never going to leave this bed. 


It's not perfect, but it IS working.

So I'll stay instead. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TpuRkGDh8o&feature=channel&list=UL

(Hint: You wanna check that out.)