Maintenance.
It's been the topic of several posts, usually painted in a rather negative light. I think that's because it's frustrating to me that it works for me.
I've read several places about people doing it in certain situations: like when one person or the other comes back from being on a trip or something. I've read about weeklys, and bi-weeklys. Some people only do it on an "As-Needed" basis; though, that kind of confuses me...it sounds more like punishment than "maintenance" that way.
And, I've always thought to myself, (despite the fact that most of them stand by their maintenance session) "Aw. Poor dears. I'd HATE that." But, I was secretly kind of curious about it. In the same way that I was secretly kind of curious about DD before we started it.
Then, one day, out of the blue, Steven commented on maintenance. He thought it would be helpful. HUGE backfire, since he said he would, and then didn't.
As usual, Fast forward. I'd been acting a total brat. Tempers lost, shoes thrown, angry words and snippy tones. In another out-of-the-blue moment, he said it was high time we gave maintenance a try.
And we did, every few days; this went on for maybe a week. And my behavior improved. I felt steadied, comfortable, and zero inclination to push.
It faded out.
Much later, the attitude got bad again. Anybody who reads this knows we've been in something of an Attitude slump. I.E., I've been stressed and we've both been feeling it.
He started daily maintenance. It lasted about three days.
It's back on track. He says we'll give it the week, and decide how to adjust from there. It's a lot. And, there are times I almost hope he forgets it.
I feel uncomfortable with the knowledge that it steadies me, and I feel so much less stressed and so much more supported, "getting spanked for nothing."
Ugh. So confusing.
Thoughts? Opinions? Anyone else here do maintenance regularly? What's your system? Does it help?
Nobody likes the feeling that they need the spanking to help balance them. It seems when this type of relationship starts that spankings really help with our moods. I like maintenance because it keeps me level, us level. I don't like punishment spankings because they mean that I have really done something wrong. But with maintenance, I am not having to be forgiven, we are just re-connecting, redefining and recommitting to each other. The bonding is good. Don't worry about what is right or wrong, make what works for the two of you work. A spanking is a great stress reliever. There is a lot of medical information behind why a spanking is good for different things. So just do what works and have no worries about needing a spanking. By the way, we do maintenance whenever he wants to, which is usually whenever we have the house to ourselves.
ReplyDeleteWe do maintenance and it is different from punishment because we don't usually get to that point because of maintenance. But I think it is different for all couples and as long as you guys communicate, you will figure out what is right and what isn't for you.
ReplyDeleteJust wishing you all the best as you figure out what works well for you guys. Blondie and Julia have given you good advice!
ReplyDeleteRegards,
I have different thought about this. For me M is comforting because there isn't much else going on as far as dd is concerned. Because I am not that feisty and also because Jack isn't terribly dominant. A better name for it in our case may be reminder...not like 'be good' but more like 'I'm still here'.
ReplyDeleteAnother thought is if it really helps keep behavior sweet then M once a week has to be better than P everyday.
I wouldn't call either of those getting spanked for nothing. Simply because it's working for at least one of you.
Now be an angle and if Steven still uses M...let me know. :)
At this point in time, maintenance is a once a week thing for us. And it does really help, both of us I'd say, not just me. I guess this is a case of it is what it is. If it works, does the why matter? I try to think it doesn't. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou know, guys, I think you're all right--the why's don't really matter. It works. What else do I need to know, right? It's interesting to me, how different everyone's maintenance is, though. Mmm.
ReplyDelete