It's Gonna Happen

"Babe?" my voice was little over a whisper. It didn't matter. He can hear my breathing change when he's asleep.

"Mm?"

"I miss God. Like, the relationship. Sometimes, I feel like I have to choose between the two of you--what with us living together and everything. It makes me sad."

"Does it?"

"Yeah."

We lay in bed, quiet, the night before Easter, hours after my last post. I felt my whole heart breaking, wishing for something forever away. I cried, and his hand just made circles on my back until I fell asleep.

The next morning, at church, music swelled up all around and I felt at peace for the first time in ages and ages and ages. We sang, and he stood there beside me, and I felt wonderful. A beautiful reminder that not only does Perfection love me, He died for me. And for Steven. And it was amazing.

"I wish we were married," I signed to him. "That would make this perfect. Why don't we just do it? Just get married? Just like that. I don't care if we don't have a wedding. I don't care."

A speculative look. Then a flick of his hands.

"When?"

I felt a shiver of excitement. That's never how he answers. He always answers with a laugh and a shake of his head and some comment about how we're too young, or we should just wait.

"Next week?" I grinned at him. He snorted, and I was thankful for the music covering the sound. Otherwise, that might have been awkward.

"Probably not next week," he signed back. My face fell. He was probably meaning some abstract two years out date.

"When then?" A pause, a cock of his head.

"May?"

We didn't decide on May. We have decided to have a small wedding. J is coming. Dad is ok with that. It was the first time I'd told him I still saw and was close to J. And the wedding is in June. Steven insists on proposing, even though he says he feels silly asking me to marry him after we've already set a date.

I don't think that's silly. I think it'll still be special.

We had a small argument the other night about it. I feel like the question doesn't have to me "marry me"...I think it's more than that. It's a commitment to be with me and only me. It's a love me forever kind of question. It's a we're going to push through whatever we have to in order to be together. It's a promise to put the past aside and push towards a better, brighter future. Even still, I mentioned maybe cancelling or post-poning. He adamently disagreed.

"How can your mind go there?" he asked me. "No, I don't want to postpone. I sure don't want to cancel. Since we picked a date, I've never looked back. Not once. We're doing this." And, we went to Dollywood. And, then,  we went to our favorite diner near there--the one we went to the first time we got back together. Our second first date diner. :)

And, I'm excited.

He's going to marry me.

(He says he's still proposing.)

And, we're going to push ahead, and love each other, and start going to a church(assuming we can find one we agree on.)

Now, for finding the appropriate dress. :)