Bless Steven's heart, he's tried the extra swats to get me to hold still. He's tried corner time for negotiating(that actually seems to work, as I loathe standing in the corner. In addition to just feeling awkward in general, it's intensely boring, as my mind covers what I'm standing there for, and how to prevent it--he'll usually ask if I know why I'm being punished, and I need a response--and then about a million other things in my 5-15 minute stint staring at sullen paintwork.) He's tried faster swats for holding still. He's tried harder swats...but, for some reason, Kypr(you remember, my little messenger from butt to brain?) just feels like it's better to have a few extra swats for moving and still have that moment of relief than it is for the stinging to just get more intense. He starts every spanking with a reminder:
((Nah, not that,though I'm sure he feels that way. Usually just, "I know we've been through this, but just so we're clear. Do NOT put your hand back, Do NOT roll over, Do NOT stand up, Do NOT move away from me." I really am awful enough to need those. :( ))Up to now, I just viewed the moving and negotiating as par for the course. The phrase "This isn't a negotiation, it's a decision, and it's been made! You're not going to tell me how to spank you!" was oft heard and even more oft ignored, I'm ashamed to admit. In fact, it usually generated an eye roll and a sigh and a "Pleeasseee quit lecturing and get it on with" attitude. (A fact I always regretted soon after, but always seem to go back to). I stood up, I threw my hand back, I wriggled, I rolled over, I tried talking to distract. I tried EVERYTHING.
And, now, having read both Clint's blog and a couple others' response to it, I realize just how detrimental that behavior was. My "but it *hurts*" excuse just doesn't hold water. (Not that it ever held a whole lot, anyway--"Baby. I know it hurts. We both know it hurts. It's supposed to hurt. It's a spanking.") At the time, like I said, it just seemed normal, the natural, obvious response.
In the future, I'm really going to try hard not to fight it. Not to negotiate, not to move. It *is* disrespectful and undermining, and I'm stunned to think how I've overlooked all that up till now. I apologized to him for my past attempts at negotiating and my general lack of cooperation.
Here's to doing better, though, right?
