I've worked a ton, and we're still broke.
Not helping.
The house is trashed, because I haven't had time to keep it up, and I'm terrified said family will show up and for real kick us out. (They look for excuses...and the dogs getting into the trash--a seemingly daily affair--would definitely do the trick).
We've both been sick, off and on.
Again, not helpful.
And, to top it off, it's been finals week. I've felt a little like this:
I don't do stress well. I really don't. I spazz and snap and grind my teeth and snarl at everything that moves---including Steven.
He's been more than patient, really. He's been super careful with me, he's taken me on long drives, he's been extra affectionate, and way more tolerant than usual.
And he feels like that's been a mistake. He's given me a million spankings, it's felt like, but they've all been short, and, to be honest, nothing like what they would have been had the circumstances been different.
However, today, I was extra grumpy-bear. I came home from one job to chocolate syrup smeared into the carpet, with just enough time to realize I couldn't work the carpet cleaner, before I was off to the second job. I called him, livid at everything, and, really, was perfectly atrocious.
I mentioned (because, see above--BROKE) picking up a few extra shifts this week. My notion was quickly vetoed. "I'd rather have less money, and you be happy. Working that much makes you tired, and wears on you emotionally, mentally, and physically, and I just won't have it."
I argued. I quipped. I griped. I told him if we starved, it was probably going to be all his fault.
He didn't budge.
I picked up the shifts anyway, figuring there wouldn't be anything he could do about it, once the deed was done; besides--he'd come around and realize it was for the better, after it was done.
I'm not totally sure how the conversation tonight is going to go on that topic. Obviously, he's not thrilled, but "I'm not in as much trouble as I could be"...which I think means he realizes that, while unpleasant, certainly, my picking up shifts was necessary.
At any rate. Due to the copious amounts of attitude...
And the blatant disobedience..
And the smart-alec tone and words that have become a part of everyday life..
Steven has imposed, until stated otherwise, a pretty hefty maintenance session--
That happens daily.
I'm dreading it. I started to argue, but I can't deny I need the settling. I don't know that I would have chosen to have it daily...but, that's his call to make.
I asked him if he was sure...
"We need this. It'll keep your attitude in check; I've let it go unchecked too long, and it's spiraling out of control. This is a temporary measure, but, until I feel comfortable letting up again, yes, it's going to happen. I love you."
So. That's that, I guess.
